Creamsicle.

I was walking through Lucky's after work and saw orange hydrangeas for the first time. First of all, how have I gone 19 years without seeing these beauties? Second of all, if I thought I had spring fever before, now it's ten times worse.

They are so fresh and bright and suddenly I want to find orange articles of clothing. Which is actually making me kick myself because there was a sweater from H&M that is PERFECT for spring that I decided not to get at the last minute and guess what color it had in it? Orange. And cream. And it was soft and pretty and flowy and what the eff is my problem! This is buyer's remorse in reverse, people.

I have an outfit post for the day. I was burning up on the way to work since I didn't have to leave my place until 10:30 and it was 70 degrees out but once I was in the store it was fine. I do a lot of standing around as cashier so I'm not working up too much of a sweat.

Wearing: The H&M sweater that I did end up buying that day, new jeggings from Target, BCBGeneration boots, thrifted purse, F21 necklace

First let me just profess my love for my new pants. I got them yesterday and they are nearly perfect. For one, they are tight. I like my pants to fit like a glove to my legs and for the most part these bad boys do just that. Two, they are long. It is nearly impossible for me to find jeans that are long enough for my legs (I have high hips) and these are more than sufficient in that department. Three, they have belt loops. This is crucial since I can't wear pants without a belt. I wish I could but I am not one of those lucky individuals. Four, they have a button and back pockets. This makes them more jean than legging, which I prefer since I find jeans much more flattering on me. The back pockets also allow for phone storage. All in all, a great success. And after wearing them for 12 hours, they have yet to get stretched out and baggy. Perhaps this next comment will sound a bit vapid, but a good pair of pants can really brighten my day. 

 

I thought I would do a quick makeup post since I've made some new purchases recently and so far I'm very pleased with all of them! The biggest one, for me anyway, was buying liquid foundation. I've never worn face makeup with the exception of pressed powder for my eye area as a means to keep my eye makeup in place. But over the past few months I've been developing a desire to cultivate my preening skills and step up into the big leagues of makeup. I've avoided it because I'm afraid of looking like a clown. But I "put on my face" for the first time today and I think it turned out pretty darn good! I'm using  Covergirl Clean Oil Control in Medium Light and it's very lightweight. In the store I tested it on my hand to see if it was a good color match but I read today in Glamour that it's better to test it out on your jaw line in natural light, if possible. If it matches without you having to blend it in, then it's the right color for you. Luckily my hand and face match pretty well right now being that it's winter and I'm basically pale all over.

I've also started using a new face wash. Before I was just using Dove bar soap to wash my face but apparently my body chemistry isn't what it once was and the soap was no longer cutting it. I always get so annoyed with face washes, though, because they always advise against washing your "sensitive eye area" with it, which completely defeats the purpose for me since my biggest reason for washing my face is to wash off my eye makeup. Just as I was about to storm out of the store, I saw Neutrogena Naturals Fresh Cleansing + Makeup Remover (cue the choir of angels). AND it smells delicious. My face is super soft from it and it's gentle enough for my skin, which is incredibly sensitive and high maintenance.

For my eyes, I'm really big on natural looking definition. When Chelsea was here she introduced me to her friggin awesome Maybelline eyeliner. It's not a liquid/gel, but it's not a pencil either. I just conferred with my roomie and we agree that it has the consistency of wet clay. That doesn't sound good, but trust me it is. It comes in black, brown, and purple (I think). I went with brown because black eyeliner tends to look too heavy on me and makes me look tired. Moral of the story: buy some.

If anyone asked me what item of makeup I couldn't live without, it would be mascara. I wear Maybelline Falsies. Not waterproof, that stuff isn't good for you. If you think you're going to be crying or something, just don't apply it to your bottom lashes. Anyway, some people have told me that they find this kind a tad too runny but I would have to disagree. I only have to use one coat, which I like.

I've been experimenting with my shadows a lot lately, as well, so I'm thinking maybe I'll do a tutorial of sorts, perhaps this weekend. I'm a novice, so I'm probably doing everything backwards and inside out but whatever! Anyway, that concludes my product placement for the evening! I hope this was helpful/enjoyable/tolerable for everyone. If this was horrible/boring/annoying please let me know so that I can avoid it in the future!

As far as "the Big Break" goes, a verdict has been reached by the people upstairs (aka my parents) and I have their approval. Now all that's left is for me to come to a decision. I'm obviously leaning toward yes but I have some time to figure it out. My only concern at the moment is the process of re-entering State after being out for a year. Does it require that I apply all over again? Would I be considered a transfer student? So I'll have to meet with a counselor. I will continue to update you all about this as things happen. Oh and I have one to add to my list: actually do a number of the projects I have set aside to complete! With that I am signing off. I've gotten nothing school related done today and have to wake up at 5:30. Goodnight!

-LG

Resolve To Evolve.

I've been spending most of my time lately mulling over time off, or "the big break", if you will. I decided that if I'm going to do it (and if I'm allowed to do it. The jury is still out on that one), I have to make a list of resolutions. The point of the break is not to relax and get lazy. The point is to get busy doing what I actually care about and see if I still care at the end. So I'm going to start a list on here. It will probably be a very long one, and over the next few months I'll narrow it down bit by bit until I have a manageable and realistic list. My resolutions will include things that I want to learn and improve upon, personal goals I want to meet, real deadlines, etc.

When I'm not thinking about my time off, I'm thinking about my change of major (from communication studies to fine art) and whether it's the right choice. I haven't officially changed it yet since there are prerequisites that have to be met before I'm eligible, so I have time to do some soul searching. And I have my doubts. I'm concerned that just pursuing a career in art alone won't be enough for me. In fact I know it won't. If that was really where my heart's at, I would spend every free second I had creating instead of...well, not. I have too many other personal qualities and skills that I would love to apply to my career/job/life. First of all, I would like to run my own business. I realize that in a way an artist is their own business, but I want more than that. I mentioned in a previous post some of the things I want to do, like interior design, fashion styling, photography, art, making furniture, metal working, etc. I know I'd be hard pressed to create a business that included all of those things in their entirety. But some kind of design consulting business could potentially offer all of those things in one way or another. I want to be able to incorporate all of my skills into one cohesive business. The reason why I don't want to just sell my own work as a product is because I thrive under the pressure of work. I love trying to take what people want and make it a reality. Mix that with a deadline and the knowledge that someone is counting on you to get it right and you have the perfect combination. You are your own competitor and you're constantly challenging yourself to be better and dig deeper. I not only love to create but I love to manage. It's too bad the idea of working a 9 to 5 desk job in corporate America repulses me, because I would be good at it. So this is my challenge: dream up a business that combines my desire for hands-on creation with my ability to run a system smoothly. This leads me to the beginning of my list.

Things I Will Do During "The Big Break"

1. Take basic sewing classes (at least basic). Self taught will only take you so far if you're lazy like me

2. Experiment with more/different artistic mediums that interest me: lacquer, oil, watercolor, etc.

3. Read more! I love reading but reading for school doesn't leave much time for "pleasure reading". And the books I read will include both novels and books on design of all kinds

4. Start taking art classes to experiment/expand my horizons on what forms are out there

5. Meet more people and make more plans (yes, I can be more vague, believe it or not)

6. Do all the things I can't do while in school. For instance: go to open mic nights, poetry readings, concerts/shows, see movies, plays, travel a bit, find new restaurants and thrift shops

7. Make a ridiculous amount of money so that #6 is possible

8. GET MY LICENSE! Yes it's true, I do not have my license. Obviously that needs to change. 

9. Be more adventurous. Be a "yes woman". I won't go so far as to say "yes" to every proposition I'm presented with because I'm just not that brave. But I'll say yes a lot! (again with the vagueness)

10. Cook more. I love food, I love cooking, and I love to try new recipes. Our kitchen is the size of a closet, however, and trying to fit all four of us in there is one clown short of a circus. Plus, I'm not very motivated to cook when my only coherent thoughts during a busy day are "coffee" and "sleep". But that will change if I'm not a full time student, which means I can cook all I want!

11. Write more. Usually I write while in class. Not the best use of my time. I need to continue doing well in school no matter how much I currently resent it, which means focusing in my classes, which means not writing when I should be listening/taking notes.  

12. Take more pictures. I plan for this to be a more immediate change but I thought I'd put it on the list for good measure. 

13. Get acquainted with Photoshop. If I plan on owning a multi-faceted design firm, I need to know the basics at least. 

14. Get outside more. Joining the soccer team will help with this. But I live in one of the most beautiful regions in the country and it is just shameful how little of it I explore.

15. Spend more time with friends.

16. Spend time with family. I already do this, but I enjoy it so it's on the list.

17. Continue improving the blog so that it can one day be everything I want it to be. Not being a full time student will mean having the time to explore the internet for more inspiration, post it here, and also try my own attempts at whatever it is I take a fancy to. Less talk, more action!

That's what I have so far. I'll keep adding and editing as I think of things, but I'll stop for now to spare you from my spinning wheels. It is officially late, the caffeine has worn off, and I have work in the morning. So it is time for me to go lay in bed and remember all the things I didn't get done today, vow to do them tomorrow, and swiftly forget every last one. Goodnight all.

-LG

PS I just reread this and realized how scatterbrained this all is. The real goal of "the big break" is to focus. I am all over the place. I'm already planning a business and haven't even narrowed myself down yet. I need to take all of this creative energy and begin to focus it toward a more cohesive...entity, if you will. I don't need to pick one thing and one thing only from my ever-growing list of interests. But I need to narrow it down considerably. And that will be the point of taking a break. Yes I still want to try/do all of the things on my list. But eventually I need to be able to edit myself down to a more focused and driven individual. 

As far as my thoughts on the art major go: I still want to major in art because if I didn't I'm not sure what else I would get a degree in, and an FA background is highly valuable for me no matter what. But while pursuing my BFA at SF State, I will need to be responsible for exploring other things elsewhere if necessary in order to remain well rounded. Okay now that really is all for now, and I'll leave you with the possible inspiration for a small series of pieces I'm thinking of doing:

This is a small (clearly unfinished) sketch I did awhile back, during class no doubt. I found it the other day and suddenly got a bunch of hazy potential ideas. I will keep you posted.

Shit.

Took a pair of scissors to the leather pants last night. Mistakes were made. Not sure how to proceed from here.

-LG

The Color Of Our Planet From Far Far Away.

As I said I would do, I sketched a little something tonight. It served as a huge reminder of how out of practice I am. I'm not a fan of it, and it's a very rough sketch, but I'm gonna post it as proof that I held up my end of the deal.

As I said. Very rough.

I don't think I've mentioned before on here that my roommate and I joined a soccer team! We both love it and miss it and wish we had never stopped playing so I found us a team. We went to a field today to kick the ball around and get some touches in before the first official practice on the 12th. On our way there we came across these growing in someone's front garden. I really used to dislike succulents because generally I love lush, green, overflowing gardens. But somewhere along the line I grew a love for these little guys and had to snap some pictures. 

They remind me of how badly I want to go to the desert. I don't know what it is, but this desire of mine has only gotten stronger over the years, especially recently. On my list of places to go is Palm Springs. It's a time capsule. It took a detour in the 1960's and apparently never left. It would be like stepping back in time and I can't wait for my chance to go. 

In other news, I've started work on my leather shorts. They're going to be tricky. My advice to anybody taking this project on would be to find a pair of leather trousers/pants that already fit you well in the butt region. Because if you're like me, and buy a pair that are huge all over, your job will be ten times harder. I'm still not sure just how much alteration these bad boys are gonna require but I plan on staring at them for hours until the simplest solution comes to me. Perhaps that's what I'll do right now.

In other other news, I get to stay on at the bookstore! I am so happy and excited. I love it there and apparently it shows. One of my managers put in a good word for me. My hours are getting cut back, thank god, so I'll actually have time for sleep and the massive amounts of reading I'm expecting this semester. 

I mentioned a few days ago that things have been feeling kind of off lately. But if I'm being honest, they've been off for some time. I've been thinking for awhile about taking a semester or a year off school to try to get some new perspective. I feel like I've been going through the motions all of my life, half asleep and waiting for something to wake me up. I do well in school, that's never been an issue. But it's not a challenge for me anymore. It's not interesting or fun or engaging. I've been in school for 14 years and I'm feeling like it's time for a change. I fully intend to get a degree, and I still plan on majoring in fine arts. But I feel like I need to take some time to figure out what I really want and what really makes me happy without having to factor school into it. My life has revolved around school for nearly 75% of my life and it needs to start revolving around something more fulfilling. When school, sleep, and work are the only things going on in your life, there's a lack of focus. At least for me. I haven't been truly challenged or passionately focused in...I couldn't even tell you how long. Ever.Yes, certain classes are harder than others, or expect something from me that others don't. This doesn't make them challenging, however. Or interesting. Or worth my time. Even my art is unfocused. All I can say is that I want to make things. Art, clothes, furniture; I want to learn to make metal jewelry and weld; I want to dye fabrics; I want to design rooms; I want to be a stylist. Those are just a few of the many things I want to pursue. I'm all over the place and I feel like I have no time to figure it out. At this point I'm wasting the money my parents spend on my tuition because I would much rather be somewhere else. So this is something I'm going to be thinking about for the next few months. I've spoken to my parents about it before and know that I would have their support if time off is what I choose. But I'm scared of stepping outside the lines. The very thick, very dark lines I drew for myself a very long time ago. 

-LG

Duncan Hall.

Pretty recently I stumbled across Duncan Hall, a San Francisco photographer. I asked him if he would be willing to answer a few questions and let me show his work here because it is beautiful and needs to be shared. I'm only going to include a few pictures because I want you all to go to his page and see the rest! Without further ado, please welcome Duncan Hall!

Age: 26

Student at: Dropped out of Sarah Lawrence

When did you first discover photography?: I bought a digital camera about two years ago to take snapshots, and I realized that I enjoyed the process of making photos and shooting people, so I decided not to stop.

Where does your inspiration come from?: All over the place. Movies, mostly. I like the idea of suspending a moment of a scene versus creating a single shot.

What is your current project?: Adverse emotions are really interesting me right now, like isolation, sadness, madness. I'm also shooting a lot of stuff focused on acts of sexual repression.

Where do you hope to be in 5 years?: Driving around the country shooting crazy shit.

I'm really looking forward to him adding more photos to his online portfolio. We seem to share a similar aesthetic and I could look at his work all day. Please go to his site and check out the rest of his portfolio!

Duncan Hall Photography.

Update!

I've updated my photography page! You'll notice the reflection of my head in some all of them sooo just ignore it. Mkay thanks! And enjoy.

And speaking of photography, I have an excellent artist feature coming! My first one, I am so very excited. I'm thinking I'll make a "Featured" page as well.

Thirdly, I found out the name of the cafe from this post! It's the Oasis Cafe!

Lastly, I called security on the mob upstairs last night (what now, fourth floor).
It did nothing.

-LG

When the Time Comes.

"In a thousand years
This will all be desert anyway.
'So until then' she says
'I'll play dead until I die
Curl up inside the moments
That made up this life'"
-LG

I wrote this a long while ago but it's fitting for what things are looking like from my end. So when I have the time, perhaps tomorrow, I shall elaborate.

On another note, I've decided to really, truly, seriously start being a good student...starting next Tuesday. There's no way I can catch up before tomorrow so let's just say this past week has been a trial run. Goodnight!

-LG

Fail.

So I tried to post this from my phone today since I was informed by Blogger that this was possible, and it FAILED! So here goes again. I had work today from 8 to 12 and it was my second to last day. 'Tis bittersweet, since I hate being so tired but I really like the job and the people I work with. The bookstore got completely renovated over the Christmas break and today the corporate bigwigs came in to check it out. As I thought they had come yesterday after I was off, I didn't dress to impress, if you will. I looked a bit like a golfer. They're from the midwest, so I'm hoping they could appreciate a little SF flare.

My pants stretched out to the point of being awkward in appearance so I changed before heading to class.

Lookin a little demonic in the eyes. Do excuse.

The ever crucial side view, purse included. Here's what I would look like if, while walking, I passed you perpendicularly. In case you were wondering. Except I probably wouldn't be looking at you like that. Or snapping your picture.

Wearing: F21 maxi dress, necklace, and ring, H&M lace blouse, Sparkle and Fade sweater (gee Lauren, do you own any other articles of clothing, or...?), fleather jacket, thrifted purse originally from Coldwater Creek.

It's a tad difficult to see in these pictures, but I originally left my apartment wearing socks under tights, and a pair of thrifted loafers. They're about a half size too big for me (hence the socks. Which didn't work) but I figured, why not? The end result was one of Amish modesty and I got 1/3 of the way to class before turning around and going back home to take off the tights and socks and change shoes. There was just waaay too much weirdness going on. The wind had been blowing, which was making the jersey dress stick to the tights, and the tight/loafer combo just was not working with a maxi, plus the shoes were slipping off which made me walk like a duck. Long story short, I made it to class on time in a pair of maroon sandles. Anyway, I like this outfit because of all the different textures: jersey, lace, leather, and a knit. Plus my jewelry adds some mineral action, even if both pieces are fake. 

On my way to work this morning, I took a different route across the USF campus and stumbled upon these amazing...flowers? Bushes? Specimens of vegetation? They look like cabbage flowers and they very well might be but regardless (a rose by any other name, after all), their colors are breathtaking. I'm not sure how they would look in full on sun, but the soft morning light really brings out the smoky purples and greens.

The colors are much more vivid in person and I'm about to throw every piece of technology I own out the window because even the simple task of enhancing the colors doesn't seem possible! Not to say that I didn't enhance them, because I did. But my computer likes to disregard this and post the somewhat watered down version instead. Not sure what the eff that's about. But the colors are still rather pretty this way so I can't complain too much. 

And now it is time to read for class tomorrow. I left astronomy early to give myself extra time for homework and look how I use it. Typical. 

-LG

Commenting.

For any new readers/old readers who still don't know, in order to comment click on the title of the blog post you wish to comment on. It's a link. The comment box will be at the bottom of the post. And please leave your name so that I can properly respond! Unless of course you wish to remain anonymous, which is also perfectly fine.

-LG

The Exorcism of Lauren Grace.

Yesterday I posted about my creepy art tendencies and I thought I'd provide an example:
    

I immediately wanted to recreate this image after seeing the finished product. My first thought was "oh man this would make an awesome painting (if I could paint)". My second thought was "I'll do it without eyes. Just sockets". Not bloody ones, by the way, but a smooth concave where an eye would be. Yes, it would make people look, make them think twice. But I'm not consciously trying to get a rise out of people, so what is this subconscious drive to put people off? And maybe that's not it at all.

My favorite subject is the female form and representing emotional/psychological/emotional pain through physical manifestations. For instance, helplessness being represented by a lack of arms:

In truth, the only person I'm creating for is myself. As I write this I'm realizing that my "creepy tendencies" are me attempting to exorcise my own lack of eyes and arms, or whatever body parts my subjects are missing. Maybe my work makes me uncomfortable because feeling helpless at times is bad enough without an image of it to remind me. And yet it's the only kind of image I'm compelled to draw.